Monday, May 27, 2013

My Houshold And The Search For Coffee

     My father, mother, and sister have been consumed by the coffee craze! Let me give you two examples.
     1. Darling Father and I were recently in Durham, NC, and let me tell you, there are two existing grocery stores there, unless you count Big Lots. (Which is not for groceries, it is mostly non-edible merchandise.) Anyhoo, our hotel room had a kitchenette, which was all fine and dandy. So, Darling Father goes "Yay! I won't have to pay for coffee every morning!" But first we had to actually find coffee for him to make. Our GPS told us that there was a Whole Foods near us, but when we 'arrived at our destination', we found a construction zone. Thanks a lot, Garmin. Then Darling Father tracked down a Compare Foods, which is basically a really big Price Chopper. Darling Father was--unsatisfied with the options there. So what was there to do? Father whipped out his iPhone, and asked it where the Whole Foods was. This time we actually got there, and Darling Father ground himself some beans, and I got my mac and cheese and finally everything was well.
      2. This morning our power went off, which isn't really all that unusual for our street in the summer. (The unusual thing is that only our street loses power constantly.) So, my fan turned off, which woke me up because I need white noise to sleep. Our coffee maker also turned off. (As did everything else, but that's beside the point.) Once Darling Father got up, I was asked to go to Target with him to get coffee from the Starbucks embedded inside. Mind you, I don't drink coffee, as far as I'm concerned it tastes like crap. However, I was feeling generous, so I went with him to feed their addiction. My father, mother and sister each have their own travel mug, which can be filled for a mere 50 cents. So we made our way to Target, which was surprisingly bust for nine o'clock in the morning on Memorial Day. At last, my addicted family could feed their addiction, even in the darkest (literally) times. Woot. At least I got pastries as a reward.
     So let's review.
       A. The subject(s) take extreme measures to feed addiction.
       B. The subject(s) have travel mugs.
       C. The subject(s) use said mugs for a cheap source.
       D. The subject(s) make zombie noises while on the way to source.
It's official! My entire family besides me has been overtaken by the Coffee Curse! If you ever find yourself in this situation or may find yourself in this situation, be sure to stock pile the following.
  • Sleepytime tea
  • Sedatives, mild and strong
  • Blankets
  • Food (Duh)
  • Water (Duh)
  • Teakettles
In case you end up being forced to give coffee to the subject(s), keep those tiny packets of pre-ground coffee in your pockets. Only use these if it is a matter of life or death!
 Everyone have a good day, and be sure to always be prepared! A breakout could occur at any time!


  1. Zombies that feed on coffee instead of brains, interesting. They will still kill you for your coffee. Try tiring out a caffeinated zombie

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